Lost Without You
by Psycgurl
Summary: An in-between moment between Julie and Jimmy after Marissa yells at them in the episode in which he leaves. Jimmy&Julie fic. R&R Please!


**Title:** Lost Without You 

**Part:** 1/1  
**Rating:** PG  
**Spoilers:** 2X07- The Family Ties (when Jimmy leaves)

**Category:** Angst/Romance

**Couple:** Julie/Jimmy

**Disclaimer:** I'm poor and own no one, so don't sue me. No profit is being made from this and no infringment is intended.

**Feedback:** Absolutely crave it.

**Summary:**Starts off after Marissa yells at Jimmy and Julie in the episode in which Jimmy leaves. My take on what should've happened in between that and Jimmy talking to Kirsten.

**A/N: **This is my first ever The O.C. fanfic and I really didn't expect that I would write a Julie/Jimmy fic first (I'm a hardcore Seth/Summer fan :) ), but the idea just came to me. I know it's not very good, but tell me what you think.

* * *

"_Of course I'm screwed up! I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut!" _

* * *

Marissa's words still echoed throughout Jimmy Cooper's going away party even after she had bolted. The Newpsies began whispering at once- glad they had some gossip to share. The elder adults tsked at the lack of respect Marissa had shown her parents. The kids didn't know whether to applaud her or be embarrassed. 

The excited whispering and comments continued, but two of Newport's own stood shocked and speechless.

Julie Cooper-Nichol had just gotten a proverbial slap to her face by her own daughter, in the span of a minute she had been called a whore and a slut and had been pushed viciously by her. Marissa's tirade of insults spewed out in a drunken outrage continued to sting at Julie's heart and soon the pain and hurt she had felt after saying goodbye to her ex-husband, the man she was falling in love with all over again, were instantly replaced with sheer anger.

"Jules. She didn't mean it." Jimmy quickly said, resting a comforting hand on Julie's shoulder noticing her fiery eyes after he overcame from the shock of Marissa's words himself. "S-she's had a lot to handle lately."

Julie looked up at him and suddenly her anger was diverted in his direction. After all, _he_ was the reason this was all happening. He was leaving her- leaving her alone with their screwed up daughter.

"Yeah, Marissa's the one that's had to a lot to handle with, Jimmy. _Marissa_! Not anyone else, just _her_." Julie spat, pushing Jimmy's hand off her shoulder. With that she pushed past him, storming back into the Cohen's house.

"Julie! Jules!" Jimmy called, following her into the house away from the curious guests. He caught up to her and put his hand back on her shoulder. Annoyed and angry, Julie whipped around and glared at him- the glare that only Julie Cooper could have that put most men into an instant state of defeat.

"Just go, Jimmy! Leave Newport. Right now. Go as fast as you can. Because leaving this place is the smartest thing you've ever done. Leaving me. Leaving your crazy daughter. You're smart to leave this madness behind. To leave _because_ of me" Julie declared, "Because if you spend more time with me- you'll be insane too. Just like Marissa."

"Julie. I'm not just leaving because of you. I'm leaving for Marissa's good and for my good too." Jimmy explained.

"Yeah, you are. You're leaving so _you_ can be away from me. So you can have another life- which I won't be able to destroy like I've done before right?" Julie challenged. Her voice was filled with that tone she perfected, the one that signified her as the bitch of Newport, but Jimmy didn't falter at her words- he was the one person who accepted that side to her, who understood that side. And just this once she wished he wouldn't.

"I just don't want us to go through what happened last time. All of us. Can you imagine what _that _would do to Marissa?" Jimmy asked with a sigh.

"And leaving both of us- that's your solution? To run away?" Julie asked. Her voice had grown small now and for the second time that night she knew she was on the verge of breaking down into a flood of tears.

"It's the best for us all, Julie. You'll see." Jimmy said quietly. The two shared an intense stare, several emotions running aimlessly through them. A few tear drops fell from Julie's eyes and she quickly flicked them away. She wouldn't cry. Not in because of him, she swore to herself. She took a deep breath before looking back at Jimmy with cold, distant eyes.

"Whatever." She replied, before almost running out of the Cohen house as Jimmy watched her go.

* * *

Julie stood outside on the Cohen's driveway, taking deep breaths and shivering in the cold. She wanted to get away- away from the madness that seemed to constantly surround her life.

She began walking away from Kirsten's house, not knowing where she was going except that she just desperately needed air and time to think. Feelings were running rapidly through her and she didn't know what to do about them.

Julie soon found herself not walking and in an all too familiar place. It was as if her body was reminding her of what she was losing, what she _had _lost.

Julie found herself standing outside the house that had been her home for many years.

The house, which signified Jimmy and her relationship. And now it stood dark and dreary with a big 'FOR SALE' sign posted up.

Instead of remembering how much she missed the house or the comfort it gave her, the first thought that struck her was "how the _hell_ had it not been sold yet?", for this was Julie Cooper. But her materialistic thoughts soon stopped as she noticed that the door leading to the swimming pool was still creaking against the wind. She had ordered Juan to fix it months before she moved out—it figures he hadn't. It was just another part of her past.

Julie walked up to the door and paused for a moment, contemplating what to do. She licked her lips in concentration and then snuck her slender hand through the gap between the door and the pillar until she could feel the latch in her hand. With one movement it popped open and Julie smiled with satisfaction as she pushed the door open. But her smile soon disappeared as she slowly walked into what used to be the back of her house. Her eyes fell upon the pool, the small poolhouse in the corner and the lawn chairs all neatly set out. Tears began to form in the corner of her eyes, as she sat down on the ledge of her patio keeping her gaze on the pool, on the barbeque—on her old home.

"I had weird feeling you might be here." His gentle voice suddenly broke through Julie's sad reverie, as he sat down next to her. "Although, I didn't think you'd break in." He laughed, but Julie kept her gaze locked forward.

"Things have changed so much, Jimmy." She spoke in a broken voice, knowing it was him without even fluttering an eyelash. "I can still remember Marissa's first steps over there." Julie declared pointing to the side of the pool as she remembered the adorable blonde baby running into Jimmy's arms. "I can remember you teaching Kaitlin how to swim and when you saved Marissa from drowning over there," She said, pointing into the sea of darkness in the corner of the pool. She was crying softly, not even aware as tears continued to flow.

"God, I was so scared when I saw her. She was six and I was reading a magazine and you were checking on the grill—and we heard her little scream. Her head was underneath the water and her arms were flying everywhere. It took you just an instant to dive in and save her." Julie spoke and then she finally looked at Jimmy, "And now-now she's a borderline alcoholic…and she hates us."

Jimmy sighed as he put his arm around Julie's shoulders, pulling her into him. "She doesn't hate us, Jules. She's just- _angry_."

Julie shook her head and gave an annoyed snort, "Yeah, well she doesn't hate you. She's _always_ loved you. She was always daddy's little girl. But she hates _me_. Completely hates me, Jimmy."

"Come on, Julie. She _doesn't_ hate you. She…she just doesn't understand you." Jimmy said softly, pushing strands of hair away from Julie's face and tucking them behind her ear.

"Who does?" Julie sighed, looking sadly in the direction of the pool. Jimmy then tipped her head towards him with his finger and looked her directly in the eyes.

"I do." He said with his usual smile and a light laugh. "It's taken me 16 years of marriage to understand the wonder that is Julie Cooper."

Julie raised her eyebrow and a small smile appeared on her lips. "17 years actually."

"Near enough." Jimmy laughed. Julie then looked at him and realised how comfortable this was, how happy she was in Jimmy's arms and the wave of sadness swept over her again.

"What's happened to us, Jimmy? You know- I remember when were a happy family. Just _two_ years ago- we were _all_ so happy. We would have family barbeques, swimming parties and we would enjoy them…as a family. Every Sunday, Marissa and Kaitlin would show us their swimming moves and…you and I would sit there doing the crossword together in each others arms." Julie sighed, looking over at a lawn chair that had a perfect view of the pool.

"7-letter word. Shoes that are "as good as sex" to Madonna." Jimmy chuckled to himself at the memory and Julie smiled.

"Manolos." She then paused and looked at him, as the tears appeared in her eyes again. "And now look at us? Defeated by our own daughter. Our family is broken. Our house is gone. Our memories have disappeared. And now—_you're_ going… and it's _all_ because of me." She croaked.

"Jules…" Jimmy began, in an effort to console her as Julie began to sob. Actually _sob,_ and even Jimmy, her husband of so many years was shocked for a moment- seeing her in a state that he had never seen her in before.

"No. I _am_ the cause of this all. You're right to leave, Jimmy. I-I don't want to even imagine what would happen next if you stayed here- stayed here with me. I can't live through this heartbreak again. I can't hurt you again." She cried into his arms.

Jimmy ran his hand through her hair. "I don't remember you being a crier." He laughed in an effort to lighten the mood, but Julie sobbed louder. Jimmy stroked her back, sighing. "It's okay, Jules. It'll be fine. Caleb will take good care of you."

"As good as you did?" Julie looked at him and chewed her lip. "You lost _everything _to take care of us and I _left_ you when you needed me."

"I knew what I was doing. I should've been more honest with you before it all happened. B-but, I would do it again, Julie. That's why I'm doing it again." Jimmy said, gazing at the small ripples appearing in the pool. "I lost everything for this family, because I thought you guys deserved more. And that's why I'm going- to do that again. Me being here is not good for you. And it won't be good for Marissa. She needs a father who has a job, who has a life- and once I get that, I'll be back on the next flight or ship. I swear. I'm not going forever."

"But I'm _losing_ you forever aren't I?" Julie broke, the lump in her throat growing bigger by the moment.

"You're not, Julie. I'm still the father of your daughters. You can't lose me that easily." Jimmy laughed, an uncomfortable laugh and he then looked at her. His eyes reflecting the same sadness and love that were in Julie's as he spoke. "You know- I told Sandy and Kirsten that I was falling in love with you again."

"You told _them?" _Julie exclaimed in shock.

"Yeah. I told them that I was worried that I was falling in love with my ex-wife. But it's not true." Jimmy said and Julie gave him an icy look.

"Well, that's nice to know."

"No, it's not…it's because…it's because I never fell out of love with you, Jules. I guess I've always loved you. Everyone thinks I'm crazy- no one gets it. But I do love you. Because I get you- and they don't."

Julie rolled her eyes, annoyed at Jimmy's efforts to explain why he was leaving her. "So now, you're _leaving_ me with _them_?" She spat.

"Yes, because y_ou _have to show them who the real Julie Cooper is. The woman I fell in love with. And I can't help you do that. I can't help you salvage your reputation—if I'm the other guy. " Jimmy said, placing a soft kiss on Julie's forehead before he stood up. "Everything will work out, Julie. This is for the best. We've been through too much to not get anything in return."

Jimmy's attempts to penetrate his words into Julie failed, as she sat solemnly looking ahead. His words, '_if I'm the other guy' _continued to echo in her mind as she blocked out all the rest. Realisation seemed to finally set in on her. This was not her life anymore.She was married to someone else. Julie took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as Jimmy looked at her with worry and sorrow.

But as soon asshe opened her eyes again, all that pain that she had let out was suppressed in an instant and the expression that she had used so often to mask her true feelings appeared as she looked up at Jimmy callously.

"I will show them all who I really am, James. I will. I'll show them who the real Julie Cooper-_Nichol _is." She replied harshly. Their eyes locked and Jimmy nodded, his face sombre at her words, even though he knew she just wanted to hurt him with her words and didn't meant it. But anything she would've said at this point would hurt him.

"Right. I guess you have to go back to your husband now. Kirsten's expecting me anyway." Jimmy said dryly. His voice then softened, as hints of tears seemed to appear in his eyes as his words slowly left his mouth, "Goodbye, Julie."

Julie took a deep breath as she looked up at him, a look of sheer determination in her face. She wasn't going to show him how weak she had been. Her eyes that Jimmy had seen full of love when she looked at him moments ago, quickly went blank and cold. "We already said our goodbyes." She replied acidly.

Jimmy sighed, almost snickering at how she portrayed herself as the icy bitch that she even managed to fool him at times with. "Yeah. We did. Sorry." Jimmy said as he turned around to walk off. He walked slowly, aching to turn around and kiss her and tell her he would never leave her—but he knew he just had to keep walking. A few tears left his eyes as he continued walking- away from the woman he loved, away from the life he genuinely missed.

Julie remained sitting, looking at the swimming pool that remained calm through all the turmoil that surrounded it as she the noise of Jimmy's footsteps got weaker and weaker. Through the clear water, Julie could see her whole past. She saw Jimmy and her sitting down and watching television together, Jimmy holding her hand as she gave birth to Marissa, them putting Kaitlin to bed after she had a nightmare…

And then with one ripple—it was all gone. Gone-leaving only Julie's heartbroken reflection staring back at her.

* * *

Fin

* * *


End file.
